suffering

Everyone suffers; few learn to embrace it. I have known close friends and family who, encountering pain, have gone a little crazy. Some drink too much alcohol (there is such a thing), some take pills or various kinds of drugs. Some slash tires and throw shit around. Or - and I consider this the worst - some repress their sorrow completely. I want to try something different. Marilynne Robinson says that there are a thousand thousand reasons to live each day, each one being sufficient. Whether I find that reason, or create it, I would like to record as much as I can.

The past two weeks have been particularly heartbreaking in an extremely personal way. The pain we cause ourselves hurts more than when we are hurt by others. I know I want to protect myself, and when I fail to do so, the heartache is coupled with a sense of shame.

The first smile I was able to genuinely put my whole body behind was the result of seeing a cardinal. I was walking at Blackwater Creek, halfway down the damp green trail, when the flash of red dropped out of the tree and crossed my path, unexpectedly.

Beauty. A reason to smile. A reason to live. A reason to move foward with my day, to refuse to retreat back into myself.

I believe each day holds significance and meaning. Furthermore, as a female, I believe I have been created with a unique sense of perception that allows me to pay attention to the details of life in highly attuned and detail oriented way. This is my gift. Annette Kolodny describes this awareness as being attuned to the "insignificance of kitchen things." I hope this blog will be unashamedly female.

In Celebration of My Uterus,

ljr